I have recently been asked if I will be starting my own twitter account. Before giving my answer I would like to fully explain the situation. Whenever I’m faced with a technological “advancement” for social networking, I go through 7 Stages. This was true with pagers, cell phones, email, facebook, online dating (which did not work out as I’d hoped), and finally blogging.

7 STAGES OF ACCEPTING TECHNOLOGY:

Stage 1: SHOCK & DENIAL: “YOU MANIACS!” Of course a cat is morally against creating “tweets” The very name is repulsive.

Stage 2: PAIN and GRIEF: This step is usually filled with a haunting nostalgia for a less tech-enhanced day when things seemed simple and pure.

Stage 2: ANGER & BARGAINING & GUILT: Paired together because I cycle between them.

• ANGER: “YOU MANIACS!” Reflective of Step 1, but with greater realization. “Don’t you humans have  a soupçon of decency?! Is it no longer the fashion to fake humility?! Now you need to send out a series of overly self-indulgent and mundane status updates and overwrought nonsense in hopes someone will find you interesting!”

• BARGAINING: ”I’d give all the tuna in the world to be able to go back to those good ol’ days.”  This is usually the most pathetic of steps where I try to live inside wishful thinking.

Stage 4: DEPRESSION: On these days I spend an even higher percentage of the day sleeping.

Stage 5: THE GLIMMER OF HOPE: I begin to dip my paws into the patch of sunshine to gauge the temperature.

Stage 6: RECONSTRUCTION: This is mostly a learning process, a forming of new habits, a rewiring of my brain.

Stage 7: ACCEPTANCE: “What did I ever do without this wonderful new technology?”

So it is likely, based on my past experience, I will be starting my own twitter account. However I am currently in Stage 4, so to HELL with your TWITTER and don’t ask me AGAIN!

(You can probably expect some regression as well. It is a slow process.)