I can’t help but marvel at just how worthless our would-be leaders are anymore. I cannot claim to know all the ins and outs of our political system and merely speak as one of the faceless millions, but I cannot help but feel that our entire system of government is completely broken. Now you are likely sitting there saying “duh, when did you figure that out?” But I don’t simply mean “busted-down,” I don’t mean “in desperate need of maintenance and repair,” I mean “broken beyond all recognition, totaled, and irreparable.” If our government was a car, it would have to be dragged down to the local scrap yard and finally torn to pieces, crushed down, and left to rot or end up being recycled.

So no, this isn’t exactly deep insight from me, but it’s something I’ve had to come to terms with over the past few months. I have traditionally been a very politically-minded person, because I feel it is the duty of every American to be informed about what their government is doing and what direction it’s headed in. I am socially liberal, fiscally conservative, pro-death penalty, pro-choice (with certain limits), and believe deeply in the separation of state and religion. I tend to vote Democratic, but have also voted for Republicans and third party candidates in the past. I try to choose people who I think best represent what I believe America should be.

However, as it was with the South Park episode “Douche and Turd,” ultimately we must all decide between a giant douche and a turd sandwich, our vote wasted on something we don’t want one way or the other.

"Douche and Turd" South Park season 8.

The reason is that our leaders have lost sight of who they are and what the hell they are doing. They are meant to be public servants, our duly appointed representatives, but instead they have ended up more like a new generation of lords, with the only difference being that every few years they have to jump up, pander, and lie to the voting public to hold onto their lordly power. In the end all these politicians, regardless of party, end up the same: Power-hungry, ethically-disabled, morally bankrupt, greedy, two-faced scumbags. None of them really do the work of the people; they simply work for themselves to keep their cushy lifestyles in place. The few idealists who try to do the good work, fight the good fight, are either ground down and broken or perverted and end up becoming a part of the problem in the end. Our leaders owe more to the special interests of corporations and lobbying groups than they do to their people, and it has blinded them to the degree that I cannot see this system of government ever recovering.

And the cherry on top of this turd sundae for me was the brainless drivel that poured forth from the mouth of Representative Joe Barton (R-Texas) during the BP chew-out, when he apologized to BP for the government’s attempted shakedown of their precious company.

"Damn those dirty, rotten congressmen, making BP pay for their screw up!

I sat in dumbfounded shock when I heard this and swore that I had to have heard it wrong. Nope, I didn’t. He actually apologized to the incompetent oil company who potentially ruined the Gulf of Mexico’s ecosystem for the next generation or two and all the many coastal-based businesses that depend on it, for the government’s audacity at demanding that they foot the bill to fix their mess and to aid the people they harmed.

Who else is supposed to foot the bill, you half-witted moron? Us? Sorry, we’re already tapped our from bailing out the entire American banking system that almost dragged us down into a full-blown depression because they were cheating hundreds of thousands of their customers in the most naked and ethically devoid cash-grab in American history. Oh, and then bailing our the car companies, who were too behind-the-times to find out that most people don’t want to keep sucking down fuel like it’s going out of fashion and would like some more environmentally, and bank account friendly, vehicles. Ya know, so we don’t have to be the Middle East’s bitch forever. And worse yet, the Republicans are letting this ninny-brained fossil keep his god-damned post as the leading Republican on the Energy and Commerce Committee! And as Politico reported, John Boehner was reported as saying “Joe has done the right thing by apologizing — it’s time to move on,” to his fellows during a closed meeting concerning Barton.

No, it is not time to move on! You can’t just say “oops, my bad” for something like this. How can these people get away with just apologizing their way out of stuff like this? This is what mystifies me about our leaders, the same way that Democratic Representative Bob Etheridge assaulted a person on camera, grabbing the boy by the wrist and then by the neck while yelling “Who are you! Who sent you” like a nut-bag. Reports say the kids were planted to aggravate him, but I cannot say, but no matter what, you can’t just grab someone like that and get away with it. It’s called simple assault, and it is a misdemeanor, but Bobby got away with it so far by saying “he was sorry.” Oh, well, that makes it all better, doesn’t it?

I’m still waiting for this change I can believe in, too, but even if President Obama has the best intentions in the world and a possible plan to execute, how can it ever see the light of day when our leaders are more concerned with serving their own interests than in protecting ours? I’m pretty patient in all, I know none of our issues are going to be fixed in a year, or even two, but nothing so far that I have seen is giving me the faintest glimmer of hope that it is getting better. Stocks are up? Whoopdie-do, unless you have a retirement plan that rides on the market or have enough money to buy and sell stocks seriously it doesn’t really matter what the ass heads on Wall Street do. The average Joe and Jane are still struggling to make it by, find decent work, or keep their families fed. I know I’ve been living on the razor’s edge for a while now, coming into this economy with a degree that would be most useful in fields that are presently weak or dying, competing for entry-level positions against more experienced people because they, too, are looking to get whatever they can. I still don’t have health insurance, and I’m not overly confident with this new plan that is (very slowly) going into the works. And then I watch our idiot leaders fumble about in Washington, and see BP’s spokestard Tony

"Hello, my name is Tony Hayward, and I am a complete twat."

Hayward getting away from all the stress of being a complete and utter git by going out and racing his yacht. Tut tut tut. Sure, he’s handed the reins over now, but to what end? Damage is done, and now all they can do is stumble along and try to fix their mess.

It’s something Hunter S. Thompson saw over thirty eight years ago, when he watched the disintegration of the 1972 Presidential election, and how in the end one party was willing to sacrifice their chance at the Presidency due to internal politics, with the promise of being handed power in 76’, regardless of what was good for the nation. Finks, liars, and criminals all, occasionally trading power back and forth while ignoring their true jobs as our representatives. But, we keep electing them. Why? Because our choices are vanilla and chocolate, democrat and republican, giant douche and turd sandwich. Groups like the Tea Party arise out of a mutual sense of anger towards what’s going on, but lack the focus, power, and broad appeal to ever do anything more than act as spoilers for one party or the other. These third parties tend to be focused on one aspect of government, fail in every other area, and are so radicalized that the average person who just wants to be left the hell alone won’t vote for them. What else can we do though? America is so afraid of anything that smells of… socialism (oh noez, run!), and we don’t want nationalism, but what can we do? The problem is, we can’t do anything short of rounding up all our present leaders and kicking them to

WWCD?

the curb and trying again from the ground up. America needs a personality change, because most people are so disenchanted with government that they simply do not vote, and no amount of sweet words will easily lure them back and keep them interested enough to continue to care. The disconnect between our leaders and the people is so great that there is no feasible way as I see it to bridge the differences. But things will just keep getting worse if we don’t vote, because the fanatics will always vote, and we do note want our fates decided by fanatics. Thomas Jefferson said that “a little rebellion now and again is a good thing.” Short of that, I’m not sure what else can be done, but all I know is that I cannot bring myself to care as much about something I so believed in anymore.

In the end, unless anything amazing happens, I guess I’ll just vote for Cthulu in 2012. After all, if I can’t have the nation I truly want, why settle for the lesser evil? Ftaghn!